


Transcending Time

by riannagreengrass



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Established Chiba Mamoru/Tsukino Usagi, F/F, F/M, Forbidden Love, Heartbreaking, Mutual Pining, Personal Growth, Sailor Moon S, Sailor Moon Sailor Stars, Sailor Moon SuperS, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Slow To Update
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:27:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24713074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riannagreengrass/pseuds/riannagreengrass
Summary: There's a reason why Space-Time taboos exist. Sailor Pluto's rebirth as Setsuna in 20th century Tokyo has unexpected implications for Mamoru and Usagi's relationship. [Tags and rating will be updated with new content.]
Relationships: Chiba Mamoru/Meiou Setsuna, Chiba Mamoru/Tsukino Usagi, Chibiusa & Meiou Setsuna, Kaiou Michiru & Meiou Setsuna & Tenoh Haruka, Kaiou Michiru/Tenoh Haruka, Tsukino Usagi & Inner Senshi
Comments: 36
Kudos: 25





	1. Setsuna Meiou (ACT I: REINCARNATION -大地転生-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 大地 (daichi): The Earth. 転生 (tensei): To be reborn.

_“The heart does not know Chronos time.”_ \- Jacqueline Winspear

Sometimes, Setsuna Meiou feels like she is living in the wrong era. The wrong Time.

It’s only a feeling. Perhaps. But it’s a feeling that she’s had for as long as she can remember. 

To be fair ... that doesn’t really say much. After all, Setsuna cannot remember much about her past. She would be hard pressed to recall details about her life before college. She certainly recalls getting into Keio University with flying colors, but she has no close friends to reminiscence with about olden days. No matter though. She has always been a bit of a lone wolf. _This isn't anything new._

She is more concerned with the now. Spring of 1993. Something feels off. Like … it isn’t the ‘now’ that she should be familiar with. It’s an odd feeling, to feel like she should _know_ what era she should’ve been in.

_When though?_

There is no rhyme or reason to it. She just knows that it is a skill that she’s lost, somewhere along the way. It is exactly this feeling that has compelled her into a career in spacetime physics ... where she finally meets _him_.

*

It starts as an innocuous question.

“Is this seat available?”

Setsuna barely looks up at the owner of that voice. Too deeply engrossed in the planetary science book that she’s just picked up at the library to care, she moves her bag off the chair next to her, without once breaking eye contact with the page that she is reading. Vaguely, she notes that the stranger has shuffled into the seat that she’s cleared out for him.

“Pluto,” she hears him say then. Something about the lilt in his voice pulls her out of her reverie. “Yes?” she asks. Her reflex surprises her. Like he’d just called her name. When she finally sees him, _really_ sees him, though, an unfamiliar word split into her consciousness.

_King._

She shudders at the intense emotions associated with that word. The respect. The longing. A word that she didn’t even think about until that moment.

_King,_ she almost whispers.

“That’s the planet, right?” the handsome man is asking again, pointing at the caption-less glossy photo of the icy dwarf planet that is featured prominently on her opened pages. Setsuna cannot find her voice. The best she can do is nod quietly. She feels like an open book under his gaze. Like he’s known her all her life. And his deep blue eyes feel so strangely familiar, yet so wrong. His dark hair, also. _The wrong color._

_Your face is so close to mine._

“I was told that the heart-shaped pattern is a giveaway,” he continues to say, tracing the surface of the planet in her book. _Lovingly,_ she thinks.

“Are you an astronomy student?” he asks, clearly invested in the subject, but surely not an expert to be questioning her on identifying planets. “I'm guessing you're a second year like me, or a third year, since you are in this advanced level class.”

She is, in fact, a freshmen. Setsuna just has a very good grasp of the subject already. She realizes then that he must also be in this elective course. The lecture hall is filling up. Class is about to begin. She’s lost track of his questioning. _What was it that he was asking me?_ She is too distracted by the way he is tilting his head and frowning, like he is actually concerned.

_Please, don’t look at me like that._

She inhales sharply at that thought, a thought that she is suddenly 100% sure that she’s had before. Setsuna stands up, her sudden movement knocking her bag to the floor.

He looks up at her, clearly surprised.

“Excuse me,” she manages to blurt out, grabbing her belongings in a hurry.

Astrophysics be damned.

She has to leave.

Now.


	2. Puu (prequel)

When Sailor Pluto, daughter of Chronos, the God of Time, was given the responsibility for guarding the Space-Time Door a long, long time ago, Queen Serenity made it clear that there are three taboos to her powers: She must not travel through time, she must not abandon her post at the Door, and she must never, ever obstruct the flow of time.

Thousands of years, and Pluto had stayed as a bystander to all that had happened to the first and second Silver Millennium. She stayed true to her post, even when her queendom collapsed the first time, trusting in the higher powers to guide it all. _What is it then, that was different this time?_

Pluto breathes weakly, lying on the floor, surrounded by the sailor senshi that she has long admired, but always from a distance, until now.

“I’ve always wanted to be useful to you all, to fight alongside you,” she admits with a small dry laugh, lamenting that this is her first and last time.

“… And I’ve always admired you,” Pluto whispers at Sailor Moon, who is sobbing for her, even though they barely know each other. Pluto sees a shadow of the future Neo Queen Serenity within her soul, an empathic and strong leader, who does not know yet her full potential. Pluto mourns that she will never get to know her properly.

_Sometimes, I even wished that I could be you._

She has never admitted any of this, not even to herself, but now that she could feel her life draining from her, doesn’t she deserve at least some self honesty? After all, she had stopped the flow of time. She broke her worst taboo, because she has finally found friends to care about, deeply, personally. If she must be punished, at least she can acknowledge that she did it for her love of these people.

“Pluto,” she hears King Endymion say, his voice filled with remorse and frustration.

“King,” she turns to him slowly, taking in the lavender of his cloak, his eyes. He is tearing up, too. She takes it all in fully, feeling incredibly privileged to be in his presence in her last moments. Pluto keeps her tone firm, yet gentle.

“This is a crime that I must atone.”

They both know that Chronos cannot be circumvented.

King Endymion understands, he understands it all too well. Queen Serenity, Sailor Moon’s mother in another life, had good reasons to put those taboos in place, but— _how is this okay?_

“I’ve taken a great deal of pride in my mission,” Pluto reminds him, gazing at his helplessness, a kindness that he has always shown her. She thinks of the many times that he has visited her at the Door, wordlessly apologising for her sacrifice, her loneliness. The king took care of the senshi’s affairs. She knows that she was never special in any way, but she couldn’t help but hope. _He cared._

_He cares._

_She is looking at me with that expression again,_ the king thinks to himself. A sad look that he has come to know so well. A longing that he has always assumed was due to him being one of the only people who has spoken to her in the many millennia that she has guarded the Space-Time Door. But she has friends now. All of these people surrounding her, grateful but mourning her sacrifice. _So why does she still look at me like that?_

“King,” Pluto whispers with some effort, her voice frail, but unshaken. He squeezes her hand, eager to do anything for her.

“I’m sorry,” he hears her say, and it pains him. “I couldn’t protect Small Lady properly. I’m … sorry.”

And Pluto slips away, whispering the endearing name that she had always called his child, before he could tell her that she’s done more than enough. That she’s done way more than anyone would’ve asked of her. For her precious friend. His crown jewel. Now an adult woman, who grew up too much, too soon, under the Black Moon.

 _Small Lady,_ Black Lady hears Sailor Pluto’s voice again, even though the latter has long taken her last breath. As Pluto begins to shimmer, tears well in her bright red eyes. Black Lady doesn’t understand why, but when she sees the senshi with long, dark green hair begin to fade away, she feels her heart shatter into a million pieces. The child within her cries out.

“ … Puu …”

_Puu!!!_

A devastating cry escapes her lips, the name of her best friend. The only one who saw her for who she is, instead of a lesser version of Neo Queen Serenity, her incredibly powerful and well respected mother. The ruler of Crystal Tokyo. Sailor Pluto was her only friend for so, so long. Chibiusa screams. The spell that Wiseman had cast on her is broken. She found herself again, but she’s lost Pluto.

_Puu … please come back …_

The king runs to comfort his grieving child, grateful that she is back in his arms again … but at what cost?


	3. Chiba-san

Mamoru Chiba finishes wiping down the lab counter. Between cleaning and scribbling down some final notes about the procedure that he and his lab group had just worked on, he steals furtive glances at the dark-haired beauty across the room, who is washing up the lab equipment with another classmate. He remembers, earlier, when he had volunteered to wipe down, she took no time to announce that she would take up the task furthest away from him. The first time she did this, he was sure that he was imagining things. Lately, however, a pattern is emerging.

Setsuna Meiou is avoiding him, and it makes him uncomfortable.

Mamoru doesn’t understand.

Their classmates obviously have no idea, but he and Setsuna have fought side by side as Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Pluto many times now - against the Black Moon clan, and then the Death Busters. He thought they would be friends already. At least, friendly acquaintances. But after all this time, Setsuna remains aloof to him. Cold, even.

Or is he imagining things?

No one else seems to notice the awkward distance that he feels with her.

To be sure, their first meeting after Pluto’s reincarnation as Setsuna was quite a disaster. She ran away from him in the middle of class, after all. To this day, Mamoru is not sure what he had done wrong back then, but all of that should be water under the bridge by now, should it not? She has fully reawakened as Sailor Pluto, regained her memories as a senshi, and moved in with Haruka and Michiru. All of them know each other quite well as civilians, obviously, but for Pete’s sake, he and Setsuna are also classmates at the same university - they are taking a class together again this school term! Why wouldn’t she speak more than two words with him?

Their classmates are packing up. He sees Setsuna doing the same, giving a tiny emotionless nod to everyone to acknowledge that they are done. Mamoru hastily packs up his things too and follows her out into the corridor.

He calls after her.

Setsuna turns around with a grim tension, as if she were bracing herself for him. It makes him take pause.

“Hey,” he says again tentatively.

She blinks once.

“Yes, Chiba-san.”

That’s the other thing. Not only does she call him by his family name, she chooses to do so with the detached honorific, even though she is only a year younger than him. Every one of her friends (except Usagi and Chibiusa) calls him Mamoru-san. Sure, he is aware that all of the outer senshi seem to prefer taking a deferential and quietly protective stance towards Usagi and him. The humble and warm distance that they maintain with them sometimes unnerves Mamoru, but even Haruka and Michiru do not call him “Chiba-san”. It feels beyond respectful. It feels cold.

Mamoru realizes that she is still waiting for him to speak.

“Sorry, I just,” he hesitates briefly when she sighs and casts her eyes, like she does not really want to be there. He watches her sweep her long dark green hair over her shoulder, and notices that she is wearing a purple dress under her now unbuttoned lab coat. She wears that color a lot. A pale lavender that she seems to be quite fond of.

“I just want to know why you are avoiding me.”

Setsuna looks up and blinks at him, like she hadn’t expected the question. Her lips tighten into a thin line. “I am not avoiding you, Chiba-san,” she says finally, and walks away.

“You’re doing it, right now,” he points out with frustration, following after her with quick steps.

Setsuna shakes her head, refusing to speak to him as she exits the building.

Mamoru almost grabs her arm to stop her.

“Mamo-chaaaan?! Who is she?!!!”

Setsuna and Mamoru look up, surprised to see Usagi Tsukino charging towards them.

*

Jealousy is written all over Usagi’s face.

“Puu!” Chibiusa squeals happily, trailing behind but quickly catching up to give Setsuna a hug around the waist. “It’s Setsuna-san, Usagi,” she taunts at the blonde girl’s blind rage. “Stop being embarrassing!”

“Oh,” Usagi pauses, blushing from head to toe. “I’m really sorry, Setsuna-san.”

“It’s alright, princess,” Setsuna comforts her warmly. “Hello there, Small Lady,” she greets Chibiusa as well, gently squeezing the young girl back. Seeing Setsuna smile like that at Usagi and Chibiusa, Mamoru feels a surge of unspeakable jealousy.

“You need to trust me more, Usako,” he reproaches his girlfriend condescendingly as he begins to walk away, perhaps sounding harsher than he had intended to. “You can’t yell like that at every woman I speak to.”

“I was yelling at you,” Usagi murmurs after him, kicking a stone grumpily. “You’re always surrounded by older, pretty women, Mamo-chan … I just got worried.”

Mamoru pretends not to hear her. Instead, he picks up Chibiusa and asks her about her day at school. Setsuna quietly frowns, watching their exchange from a distance.

“Puu? Are you coming with us?” Chibiusa yells back expectantly from on top of Mamoru’s shoulders, oblivious to the strained tension between Mamoru and Usagi. “We’re going to get ice cream!”

“We are?” Usagi asks, lightening up. She really can be easy to please sometimes.

Setsuna eases the displeasure on her face, but Mamoru notices it before it is gone. “I’m sorry, Small Lady,” she says to Chibiusa, though still making eye contact with the man holding her. “I have more work to do today.”

“Oh …”

Setsuna's face falls. She hates disappointing her.

“If you’d like, please come over tomorrow to play with Hotaru again,” she offers gently instead. “She seems to learn new words quickly when you are there.”

That makes Chibiusa smile again.

“Okay!” She waves goodbye at Setsuna. Usagi waves as well. Before they are even done saying goodbye to her, the two are already arguing which ice cream flavor is the best.

Mamoru and Setsuna exchange a wordless nod.

_I am not avoiding you, Chiba-san._

They both know that it is a lie.


	4. (Future) Mother's Doubts

“Chibiusa, do you go to Setsuna-san’s house often?” Mamoru asks over ice cream. Usagi perks up too, curious.

“Mmm,” Chibiusa thinks about it, licking her soft serve ice cream. “Every couple of days, I guess? It’s fun to see Hotaru-chan grow! Puu makes really good beef stew, too. Did you know that she is a good cook?” Her face brightens up when talking about Setsuna.

Both Mamoru and Usagi are surprised to hear all of this. Even though they are well aware that Chibiusa used to be very good friends with Hotaru, before Saturn was reborn as a baby, they had no idea that Chibiusa has been frequenting the outer senshi’s household so often. Usagi in particular, who lives with her, suddenly realizes that the many times Chibiusa had asked Ikuko-mama not to make dinner for her because she is going to her friend’s house, she had meant Setsuna. Meanwhile, today was probably the first time that Usagi has seen Setsuna in weeks. Mamoru eats his ice cream distractedly.

“That’s nice,” Usagi says, suddenly imagining all the many ways that she could be hanging out with Michiru and Haruka as well. “I want to go too!”

Chibiusa immediately turns her down. “No, you are noisy and annoying.”

Usagi drops her jaw indignantly. Mamoru raises an eyebrow, but pretends not to hear. He hates getting in between them.

“Puu likes to be quiet and peaceful,” Chibiusa adds, quickly finishing her ice cream. Mamoru silently nods - even he knows that much.

Usagi sticks her tongue after Chibiusa, who is trotting over to the closest waste basket to throw the paper wrappings out.

“You’re really uncute, little brat,” Usagi pouts at her, before spilling her ice cream. “Nooooooooo!” Tears form in her eyes over the pitiful sight. Her soft serve splattered at her feet. “Why???!”

Chibiusa face-palms. “Not this again.”

Mamoru sighs, too. He fishes out some cash from his wallet.

“Usako.”

She shakes her head, though now refusing to look at either of them. “I’ll use my own,” she says quietly, before running back to the ice cream stand alone.

It wasn’t the ice cream that made her cry really. Usagi just suddenly felt incredibly left out. She remembers how Chibiusa had so eagerly run up to hug Setsuna earlier. The way Setsuna had stroked her soft pink hair like she was her mother. It made her jealous, a feeling that she didn’t know she would feel over Chibiusa until then. There’s also the nagging thought that she’s had, long since she’s first learnt that Chibiusa is her future daughter.

_Am I really suited to be her mother?_


	5. Daydream

Setsuna can tell that Mamoru Chiba is miffed by her detached courtesy towards him, especially since the day he's found out that Chibiusa spends a lot of time with her. It shouldn't have been a surprise. After all, Small Lady and Pluto both consider each other their first friend in this world. With Mamoru, it is different. He resembles the king that she knew, the king that she still admires deeply, but Mamoru is no King Endymion. Not at all.

"Mamo-chan, why won't you come to our fall festival?" Usagi mopes, fingers prickled and covered in bandages from hours of sewing a ghost costume. "Our class is doing a haunted house this year, we put a lot of effort into it!"

"I'm sorry, Usako," Setsuna hears Mamoru say, "We have a lot of work to do."

_We_ , he'd say, roping Setsuna into his narrative, as if their lab class helps legitimize his unwillingness to participate in his girlfriend's school events. At the same time, Mamoru has made it a point to not start a conversation with her lately, which meant that he and Setsuna have barely spoken in weeks. She welcomes that change. The polite distance is most comfortable for her. 

And yet, Mamoru continues to make it clear in subtle ways that he is aware of their shared experiences. Setsuna pretends not to have heard him, focusing on helping Chibiusa with her class project instead. The Juban public elementary school is also having their school festival soon. 

"But it's just one afternoon ..." she hears Usagi plead.

"Look. I can't, alright?"  He'd say it so calmly, too, like Usagi is being unreasonable. Setsuna has gathered that Mamoru is somewhat embarrassed about showing up at a high school to visit his girlfriend, but then why date the young woman in the first place, if the age gap bothers him?

“Puu,” Chibiusa whispers. Setsuna turns her attention to the child sitting on her lap, looking up at her like she has something important to ask. 

“Yes?”

“ … Will you come to mine?” The way Chibiusa shrinks herself in the face of possible rejection is probably one of the hardest things for Setsuna to swallow. 

“You can count on it,” she whispers back, squeezing Chibiusa’s shoulder with a reassuring smile. 

The young girl relaxes visibly, though she still seems less animated than usual. Even while jokingly siding with Mamoru most of the time in arguments with Usagi, it is clear that Chibiusa is picking up on the tension between her future parents, and it is affecting her. 

Setsuna glances across the room, where the couple are quietly sitting together, a strained energy between them as they work on their separate tasks. Sometimes, she wonders why the two are together. Usagi deserves someone who would get excited about things that she cares about, while Mamoru ... well, his motivations are a mystery. When that thought occurs to her though, Setsuna becomes overwhelmed by self-loathing. She shouldn't be contemplating the demise of the future royal couple's relationship. Neo Queen Serenity and King Endymion were such a perfect match ... surely, that counts for something?

But contemplation is what Sailor Pluto does. She’s spent a lot of time alone, after all.

And Setsuna would never tell anyone, but she daydreams about him sometimes. Not Mamoru. … At least, that is what she tells herself. No, she dreams instead of that lavender cloak, a beautiful light purple, the color of twilight. His quiet support over the years. His soft gaze in the starlight, filled with tears, the day she died.

*

"Have a good evening, Princess, Small Lady."

"Nanite, Puu! Mamo-chan, too.”

"Goodnight, Chibiusa ... Usako."

Usagi takes a deep breath. She had her back turned to her boyfriend, but relents in the end. "Goodnight, Setsuna-san ... Mamo-chan."

Mamoru softens his stance as well, giving Usagi a reconciliatory hug before saying goodbye. 

Setsuna would’ve walked ahead of him to avoid him again, but it would be rude for her to do so in front of the Tsukino household. Instead, she walks in silence with him, praying he wouldn’t say anything about her attitude again, and that they would bid a simple farewell at the train station. To her surprise, Mamoru does not speak either. It is as if he is deep in thought, and the silence between them sinks into a comfortable tension, until they both feel it - the first rain drops.  Setsuna raises an arm to her forehead and squints at the sky. 

“Shoot,” Mamoru mutters under his breath. 

It is beginning to pour in earnest. 

“Let’s hurry,” he suggests, taking off his jacket. 

Setsuna doesn’t understand, until he’s thrown the coat over her head. When he also grabs her hand and urges her to run with him towards the station in the distance, Setsuna finds herself hastening alongside him without objection. His side profile, with the rain dripping off of his short hair, distracts her in the alternating street lights and darkness. His large, warm hand envelops hers, squeezing tentatively, but firmly, like he is trying to gauge if she were okay with this, even though he's quite made up his mind to take it in his.

_Is this what it feels like to be yours?_

As soon as that thought crosses her mind, Setsuna comes to a halt. 

_I can’t do this._

“Setsuna-san?”

He stops, too, to look at her.

She lets go of his hand wordlessly. 

“Chiba-san,” she responds, after a moment of silence. Setsuna self-consciously hooks her long hair onto her ear, before reaching up to take his jacket off, but Mamoru stops her. 

“Keep it,” he insists, readjusting it so that it covers her shoulders now. She’s stayed quite dry, thanks to him. 

“Don’t catch a cold.”

Holding each other’s disoriented gaze, they barely realize that they have made it to the station.

“Thank you,” Setsuna says finally, resigned under Mamoru’s firm tone. 

As she takes the train home that night - in the opposite direction from where Mamoru is headed - Setsuna squeezes his blazer jacket close for warmth. She stares out of the train window, watching the rain fall like a streak from the skies to the ground, a curtain over her heart. Faintly, she can smell his cologne through the fabric, a musky scent that she doesn't hate at all. It feels as if his presence is wrapping all around her, like she is the one that he is hugging this time. 

And Setsuna has to admit it. 

She daydreams about him, sometimes.


	6. A Thousand Times

When Mamoru doesn’t show up to lab the next day, Setsuna feels quite let down. She tells herself that her disappointment stems from him not pulling his weight for their paired lab work, but she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that it is a lot more than that.

It is the green blazer, perfectly folded away in her briefcase and ready to be returned to its owner. 

It is her expectations for how he would’ve greeted her after last night, especially after spending all morning wondering if she should be less aloof to him now. 

It is his unexpected absence, and how it is actually making her wonder if _he_ were avoiding _her_ now, even though she’s never cared before. 

One blazer jacket, and here she is, completely ruffled. 

Setsuna shrugs off the paranoia. It is unlike her to be so easily unsettled, but that is the unique power he has over her. _Not Mamoru,_ she tells herself, but the lines are beginning to blur. There is still barely a shadow of the king that he would become, but sometimes, like the night before, she would notice a gesture, a tenderness that grips her. _Be still, my heart._ Setsuna prays. Whatever it is that she feels, it is sacred to her, and she keeps it to herself. 

She decides to drop by for a quick check-in with their supervisor down the hall.

“I’m very sorry, Meiou-kun,” The old professor apologises profusely, as soon as she sees her. “I was so caught up over here this morning, I must have forgotten to tell you! Chiba-kun called in to take a sick leave today.”

A little disappointed, a little relieved, Setsuna leaves campus early at the professor’s advice. She looks down at the printed worksheet she gave her. “Just in case Chiba-kun is still sick by the next class,” the old lady had said. Setsuna looks down at the address that the professor had handed her as well, her cheeks a little flushed at the idea that she would be visiting him. She supposes it wouldn’t be too much of a hassle. She would be able to return his jacket, too.

*

Mamoru wakes up. 

“Usako …?” he murmurs, rubbing his dreary eyes. He’s pretty sure that the sound he’s heard was the doorbell, but he has little strength to get up and check. 

He hears a knock next. A clear and firm rap, but not insistent, like they were just checking to see if he really wasn’t home. Usagi does not announce herself with such restraint. 

Mamoru glances at the alarm clock next to his bed. It says half past one. His curtains are drawn close, but a streak of sunlight is pouring in through the gap. 

_… Maybe it’s a neighbor._

Ever conscientious, he gets up. “I’m coming,” he calls wearily. His voice comes out raspier than expected. _I’ll need to get a glass of water after this._

As soon as Mamoru stands up, he feels a headache set in. He almost regrets trying to be a gentleman the night before. Now he is paying for it with a fever and a cough. _It better not be a salesperson,_ he thinks vaguely, unlatching the lock on his front door. 

“—Setsuna-san.” 

He cannot hide his surprise. 

When Setsuna gives him a once over, he looks down, too, and feels a blush rise to his cheeks. God. He’s just greeted her in his flimsiest pyjamas. “Sorry,” he mumbles, running a hand through his hair, hoping it isn’t too messy either. 

“Chiba-san,” Setsuna says quietly, handing him the worksheet from their professor.

“Oh,” Mamoru accepts the document sheepishly. “Thank you. I’m sorry about today.”

Setsuna nods, accepting his apology. She doesn’t move though. Mamoru doesn’t understand. If this was her before, she would’ve left already. _Should I invite her in?_ When she speaks again, Mamoru is frankly taken aback.

“You look feverish. I suggest you wear more layers,” she says, observing his state of health almost clinically. “Have you taken your medicine.”

Preoccupied by the question of when was the last time that Setsuna has spoken so many words to him, Mamoru only shakes his head in response. She also always asks questions like it is a statement, which makes her sound stoic and superlicious. This time, though, her tone is also laced with a mixture of worry and concern. It's an entirely new experience for Mamoru.

He awkwardly clears his throat. “Do—do you want to come in? I can make some tea,” he offers, opening the door to make way for her. The swinging motion unexpectedly makes his head swim. Mamoru stumbles forward. To his surprise, again, Setsuna swiftly grasps him around his torso.

“I was going to refuse,” she sighs, wrapping his arm over her shoulder, “ … but it looks like you’ll need me to.” 

Mamoru isn’t sure if his cheeks are burning from the fever, or from the embarrassment of having a woman (senshi or not) support his weight. He doesn’t fight her, though. After how long it has taken for Setsuna to stop avoiding him, the last thing he wants to do is push her away. Besides, he still feels dizzy, and it is nice to have some help.

As they shuffle to his bedroom, Mamoru finds himself catching a glimpse again into an unfamiliar and intimate side of her. Even as Setsuna helps him stand now, he finds himself thinking about her surprisingly tiny frame that made his jacket look heavy on her the night before. He watches her determined gaze scanning across his apartment, and remembers how she had cast her eyes, when he asked her to take the jacket with her, as if she were self-conscious - an alluring gesture that he’s never seen.  As she sets him down on his bedside, her long dark hair cascades over his face. The faint fragrance of lavender in her hair distracts him—or did he imagine it? Mamoru isn’t sure. His nose is stuffy, after all—he only vaguely hears her when she speaks again.

“Rest,” Setsuna says. She removes her coat and folds it neatly against the back of his chair. She places her briefcase down, too, before leaving his bedroom momentarily. Mamoru has no idea what she is doing. As soon as she returns with a glass of water and a cup of warm tea, however, he sits up in protest. “Setsuna-san,” he insists. He couldn’t possibly ask her to take care of him any more than she already has, but she presses him back into his pillow.

“Don’t make me say it twice,” she warns pointedly.

When she disappears back into the kitchen, Mamoru cannot do anything but yield.  Setsuna has always had an air of authority around her that is hard to say no to.  Reaching next to him, he takes a tiny sip of the ginger lemon tea that is his favorite drink. He wonders if she somehow knew.

*

What feels like half an hour goes by. Mamoru nearly nods off, but is woken again, when Setsuna returns, carrying a tray of food and some medication with her. She’s somehow concocted a mouth-watering chicken and rice porridge from his next to bare kitchen goods. It’s only then that Mamoru realizes how hungry he’s been. He’s missed both breakfast and lunch.

“Here.” Setsuna adjusts his pillows and raises his upper body, moving about with the precision of a nurse. When she motions to feed him too, Mamoru finally stops her. “I can do this,” he insists. She doesn’t fight him. 

For a while, she sits quietly by his side, watching him eat. When he finishes the last bit of porridge, Mamoru chuckles a little.  “Chibiusa was right.” He puts his empty bowl back onto the tray.

Setsuna looks at him, uncomprehending.

“You are a good cook,” he says with a smile. “Thank you.” 

He wonders if he's imagined it in the low light of his room. Setsuna actually looks like she is blushing, but she does nothing to acknowledge that. 

Instead, “I’ll be leaving then,” she says, reaching into her briefcase. She pulls out his blazer and places it on his bedside stand. "Thank you again for this.”

Mamoru takes it in his hands. He can see that it's been washed, pressed, and folded with care. “You didn’t have to do this,” he says. Her thoughtfulness for him still feels quite foreign to him. 

“You didn’t have to lend it to me either,” she points out in return. 

Silence befalls them, both contemplating each other’s unexpected warmth. Mamoru recalls the day they had first met and smiles to himself. They’ve come quite far in the last two days.

“You're a mystery, Setsuna-san,” he says softly. She breaks her reverie and glances at him.

“You see,” Mamoru explains, holding her gaze. Her dark red to his deep blue. “Once in a while ... I feel like you are withholding your affections from me, but what is there to withhold ... if you do not know me?” 

Setsuna doesn't speak. Her face remains completely still, but he can see that her pupils have dilated, and she is squeezing her hands together a little too tightly on her lap. 

“So," he continues measuredly, "the only conclusion I can reach is that it is _not_ about me. It's about the me you _know_.”

Setsuna motions to stand up and leave—her first instinct when it comes to him, really—but she freezes at his next words. 

“Were you close with King Endymion?”

Setsuna stands up.  “Forgive me,” she says under her breath, anger clearly brimming from her trembling lips, “but that is none of your business.” 

Mamoru does not back off, however. He knows now that he is pushing her buttons, but he’s had enough of guessing games with her. He wants it all out in the open. 

“But if this _is_ about him, then it’s also about me, is it not? I _am_ him. Or _will_ be, I suppose—” 

“The king is a thousand times the man you are, Mamoru-san." 

That shuts him up.  Setsuna looks down at him coldly. 

"If you really were him, you would’ve _never_ asked something so invasive, and frankly offensive.”

Grabbing her coat and briefcase, she leaves promptly without another word.

Mamoru has noticed though, even before she’s left.  Setsuna finally called him by his name.


	7. Goddess of Timeless Time

“The apron looks good on you, Haruka,” Michiru sing-songs, admiring her girlfriend’s navy blue knee-length bib from their dining table. Haruka simpers without turning around from the kitchen counter.

“I should thank the lady who picked it out for me then,” she says, between sips of tasting the curry cooking on the stove top.

“You should.” Michiru chuckles softly, placing her chin on her folded hands.

Haruka glances at her inviting lips. Lowering the flame, she turns around to plant a kiss. “Should we ditch dinner then?” Her voice drops a register conspiratorially.

Michiru hums. “We’ll have to be quiet. Hotaru just went to sleep.”

“That depends on you,” Haruka teases with a twinkle in her eye.

They hear the click of a door lock and turn around to see their roommate come through the front door.

"Setsuna?"

The dark haired beauty looks up to Haruka calling her name. Fatigue is etched between her brows. The couple glance at each other, mirroring each other's look of concern. While Setsuna places her things down at the door and takes a seat at the table, Haruka quietly goes to turn off the flame.

Michiru squeezes Setsuna’s hand gently.

" … Is it him?”

With only such a simple question, Setsuna feels the tears brimming in her orbs. She feels a strong urge to hide her face, but Haruka comes to the rescue and wraps her forearm around Setsuna’s eyes, like a shield to protect her dignity.

Trails of tears fall down her cheeks.

"It's alright,” Haruka coos, her tone both comforting and dutiful. "It's not easy, what we do to protect them."

Michiru stands up and walks to the living room. "To each our own burden," she adds softly, unlocking her violin case.

A bright classical tune begins to resound in the room. Even with Haruka’s arms still blocking her view, Setsuna can tell that Michiru is the one playing. Beautiful strings vibrate the air like waves on a peaceful sea. Her music soothes even the most sorrowful soul.

Feeling strengthened, Setsuna wipes her tears and takes a deep breath. Looking up, she finds Haruka gazing at her lovingly, arms now draped over her shoulders, reminding Setsuna that she is loved, and that she can fulfil her responsibilities with their support. Sometimes, it feels like the outer senshi are the only people who can really relate to her.

"What happened with Mamoru-san?” Haruka broaches the topic gently, pulling a seat for herself too. Michiru continues to play her tune with grace, offering some cover for Setsuna’s vulnerability.

They both saw last night that Setsuna had returned with Mamoru’s jacket, which frankly raised eyebrows, but they were also certain that Setsuna could keep her cool and do the right thing. It is unlike her to be so distressed.

Setsuna takes a moment to find her words. She shakes her head. It is too scandalous to even say out loud.

“It’s okay,” Haruka presses encouragingly.

Setsuna takes another deep breath.

“He asked me, if the king and I were ... intimate."

Michiru stops playing. Her bow makes a dissonant sound when she lifts it abruptly.

Haruka is just as shocked.

“That is … unsettling,” she muses, clenching and unclenching her fist as anger boils within. Haruka knows better than to trust men, even the future king. She glances at Michiru and sees the same grave expression. Setsuna nods in agreement, but neither Haruka nor Michiru are sure that Setsuna shares their exact concern. After all, the daughter of Chronos is too humble to believe that Mamoru may see her as a potential mate.

"Oh my," Michiru sighs with remarkable composure, putting down her violin. “Do you wish you were? Or ... are?”

"No," Setsuna responds defensively. She may have admired the king from afar, but she has never, ever dared to think of him as anything more than that. Being reborn in a time when she is literally his peer hasn't been easy for her heart, but Setsuna never lost sight of her positionality—Pluto cannot get in the way of the new Silver Millennium.

Haruka nods, reassuring her that they believe her. After all, they understand. Uranus and Neptune have sworn to give up their lives—along with any sense of morality—to protect the solar system. Setsuna is the same. Her most crucial job now as the Guardian of Time is to minimize the impact of her rebirth on the 20th century.

Michiru picks up the violin again, now playing a more somber and melancholic tune. They listen in silence for a while, each caught up in their own thoughts about their duties. Being an outer senshi can be a very lonely endeavor, but right now—Setsuna looks at her two friends—this is a cherished moment. She never thought that she could live this way. Another tear falls down her cheek, but she wipes it away immediately.

“Did you know ... " Setsuna speaks when Michiru finishes her piece, "that the God of Time has another name?”

“Chronos?” Haruka asks, coming out of her deep contemplation.

Setsuna nods. She draws an imaginary line across the air. “The time that we usually keep track of. The one that moves in a line, from the past to the present.” 

“And to the future,” Haruka extends the line with her forefinger.

“Yes,” Setsuna affirms. “What’s lesser known is that Chronos is also known by the name Kairos ... the Goddess of Timeless Time." She moves her open palm across the air, metaphorically wiping away the imaginary line that she drew before.  "When she moves us, it is as if we’ve lost our sense of time. The time that we feel within, instead of outside of it. The love … that connects us to others.” She places a hand over her heart.

“Like a web,” Michiru begins to grasp what she is trying to say. “Past and future actions influencing each other … with no regards to time.”

"A web I can't get out of,” Setsuna admits.

 _A web that's given me this second chance_.

There’s been a lot of time travel and rebirths over the centuries, between Queen Serenity giving the senshi a second life and Chibiusa travelling back to the 20th century. Each of those paths has woven a complex web of cause and effects across timelines, but none has been more difficult for the daughter of Chronos than her own rebirth in the past. As Setsuna, she is only able to access a tiny portion of her powers as Pluto. She has little to no clue of the impact that she would have on this timeline.

“Don’t beat yourself up, dear,” Michiru consoles. “You’re here now, protecting this time period with us.”

Haruka agrees. “We've kept a distance from the royal couple to maintain our independence as senshi, but you're in a difficult position. If avoiding him doesn’t work, perhaps it would be wise to tell him a partial truth ... enough to keep him from guessing any further.”

A delicate dance.

Setsuna exhales softly. She knows that they are right, but they do not know how deeply Setsuna had admired the king in her past life. To ask her to fend off Mamoru’s strong curiosity without getting worked up … it tears at her heartstrings, more so than her many centuries of solitude, standing alone at the Space-Time Door. She feels a strong pull towards him, too, even in his most thoughtless moments. Setsuna feels a blush rise to her cheeks even now, at the memory of Mamoru thanking her earlier that day.

It troubles her that it is his face, not the king's, that comes to her mind these days.

"Kairos knows no limits of time," she whispers to herself.

_Knock knock._

They all perk up at that sound. Turning to look at the sliding glass doors that face their front yard, they see that Chibiusa is waving at them with a toothy smile.

"Hello, Chibiusa-chan,” Haruka lets her in. "I was just about to finish making dinner for us all."

"Were you now," Michiru says. Her smile feigns innocence, but her words are laced with meaning between the lines. Haruka coughs, recalling their earlier conversation before Setsuna returned.

"Good evening, Michiru-san, Haruka-san —— Puu!"

Chibiusa bolts into Setsuna’s lap.

"Small Lady," Setsuna greets back, giving the girl an earnest hug. It fills her heart with such warmth and relief to see her.

"Puu?" Chibiusa looks up with curiosity, tracing her best friend’s puffy eyes with her tiny hands. Setsuna gives her a tight squeeze again. "I'm fine, sweet princess," she promises, "I'll do anything for you." It is as much a promise to her, as it is to herself.

Chibiusa chuckles. "Puu, you're weird today," she says, squeezing back.

Setsuna means it though. She would break her taboos all over again to protect Small Lady Serenity. If it means killing the tiny voice in her heart to do so, she will, because she cannot imagine losing her once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to think that Setsuna is able to drop her guard somewhat around the other outer senshi. Her explanation of Kairos is a rough paraphrasing of Jean Shinoda Bolen, a psychiatrist and women's activist. I love the idea that time is fluid and can appear in many forms.
> 
> \- ri


	8. Lavender

"Chibiusa wants to go to the aquarium this Saturday. Will you come with us, Mamo-chan?”

Mamoru is distracted. He’d like to pretend that it is because he is reading a really difficult book, but his mind is really elsewhere.

“Rei-chan and Minako-chan are coming too though,” Usagi twiddles her fingers together, “but maybe that way we’ll have some alone time together,” she says a little hopefully.

Mamoru hears Usagi, but doesn’t really hear her. Instead, his thoughts are wandering to the letter that Setsuna had sent him a few days ago.

He’s mulled over it so many times that he could recite every word now. Setsuna explains that nothing improper ever happened between her and King Endymion. That she's kept a distance from him because it feels inappropriate to behave like peers with the man who will inherit the throne. That it is the way of the outer senshi. 

None of it sounds like a lie, but something is amiss. _"If you really were him, you would’ve never asked something so invasive, and frankly offensive,”_ she'd said. If her letter is true, why did Setsuna, a normally stoical person, get so defensive of his future self? It sounded like she _really_ knew him.

“It’d be really romantic, don’t you think? Mamo-chan! Are you listening?”

Mamoru comes to. He closes his book.

“I’m sorry, Usako. … What did you say?”

Usagi pouts at first, but quickly becomes concerned. “Were you reading, or are you still not feeling well? You should wear more, you know …” Usagi looks at him meaningfully. “Where did your favorite jacket go?”

“It’s home,” Mamoru says uncomfortably. Usagi’s question reminds him of when Setsuna had showed up at his door. “I just … felt like trying something different.” He’s wearing a new sweater today.

In truth, Mamoru hasn’t worn his green blazer since Setsuna returned it. He couldn't wear it around Usagi without feeling a sense of shame either. Mamoru is not sure why. He hasn't done anything wrong after all. It just _feels_ wrong.

“Blue looks quite good on you, Mamo-chan,” Usagi comments, tugging at his sweater.

“I thought it’s purple.”

“Sky blue, perhaps?” Usagi suggests, taking a closer look at the color.

“Or lavender,” Mamoru mutters under his breath, coming to a realization. He didn't choose it intentionally. 

“Eh?”

“ … Nothing.”

Usagi frowns in concern. Mamoru is so distracted lately. He can feel so far away sometimes, like his mind is elsewhere, but he seems to be more and more preoccupied of late, and it worries her. They have very few common topics between them as is. After all, their age gap hasn't been easy. Usagi has just started high school, while Mamoru is almost done with university. Soon, he would be working full-time. Would he still want to be with her, knowing that he could be with other women his age? 

It is like she is always chasing after him, hoping to be his equal.

“Mamo-chan?”

Mamoru turns to her.

“Say you love me?”

Mamoru’s gaze softens. “What’s wrong, Usako?”

Usagi shakes her head, lowering her gaze. “I just … want to hear you say it.”

Mamoru notices her squeezing the end of his sweater nervously. In moments like this, he feels a sad tenderness for her that he cannot fully articulate. He wonders how it is possible that this woman, so powerful in her senshi form, can feel so insecure around him. Gently holding Usagi's chin, Mamoru tilts her head so that she would look at him. He searches her eyes for the answer that he seeks, but isn't sure if he could find it. Closing his eyes, Mamoru wards off his doubts and kisses her softly. He feels Usagi slowly relax in his embrace.

“I love you, Usako."

It isn’t a lie, but Mamoru wonders why … Setsuna’s face crosses his mind.


	9. Dream Mirror

At the bar in Dead Moon Circus, the Amazon Trio are choosing their next victim over early morning cocktails.

“Oh, this one’s not bad. More of your type though, Hawk’s Eye.” Tiger’s Eye throws the polaroid across the bar table, but Fisheye intercepts it first. “Ehh, she’s a little young for his taste, don’t you think?” The blonde man shrugs nonchalantly. “Well, she’s a little old for me.”

Fisheye gags. “Has anyone ever told you that you might be bit of a pedo?”

“What did you say!?”

“Show me,” Hawk’s Eye sighs with resignation, tired of their bickering. “She _is_ a little young for me—” “What did _I_ say?” Fisheye interrupts smugly, blowing a raspberry at Tiger’s Eye.

“—but she exudes a strong maternal instinct,” Hawk’s Eye concludes, humming with intrigue. He narrows his eyes slyly at the woman, who is smiling at two children. Plotting how to approach her, he finishes the rest of his drink and picks up the polaroid between his fingers. “Guess it’s my turn today,” he says, standing up.

Tiger’s Eye whistles at that, while Fisheye rolls his eyes and turns his attention back to the snapshots of gorgeous men that he’s sorted out from the rest. “Don’t mess up this time, birdie,” he calls lazily after their teammate with flaming pink hair.

Hawk’s Eye flips him off as he walks away.

*

That same morning, the outer senshi are taking a walk at the park near their home.

“Is it alright if we part with you here, Setsuna?” Haruka asks at the park exit, dangling her car keys. “I parked just around the corner.”

“Sure,” Setsuna takes the stroller from Haruka and Michiru. “It’s my turn with Hotaru today anyway.”

“What’s the plan?” Michiru asks.

“Taking you on a drive, I hope,” the tall blonde suggests with a wink.

“Heavens,” Michiru chuckles into her hand. “Where are we going?”

Haruka wraps an arm around her. “Where lovers go on a Saturday,” she whispers conspiratorially. Michiru chuckles again.

Setsuna looks longingly after them, admiring their banter. She couldn’t imagine having such intimate rapport with anyone, the way they do with each other. She would wish for it, but how could you wish for something that you cannot have?

Turning the corner back towards their house, she looks up with a start. _Someone is watching us._ Looking around with vigilance, she hears a familiar voice. “Puu!!” Setsuna turns to see that it is Chibiusa, waving and running towards her. She sighs in relief.

“Good morning, Small Lady,” she greets the young girl with a hug. “Where are you off to?”

“To see you,” Chibiusa says with a smile, huffing and puffing a little from the running. “No one was home, so I figured you were all at the park—hello, Hotaru-chan!” She gives baby Hotaru’s outreached hands a gentle squeeze. Hotaru squeals happily. Setsuna smiles at their warm interaction. “Did you want to play with her today?” she asks.

“Well, actually,” Chibiusa confesses bashfully. “I wanted to ask you again … if you would want to come to the aquarium with us today.”

Setsuna blinks. Just the other day, she had declined politely, telling the young princess that she has house duty taking care of Hotaru. In truth, Setsuna wasn’t ready to be around Mamoru yet, but she couldn’t tell Chibiusa that.

“I feel like a third wheel without you, Puu,” Chibiusa reveals, “and I thought that … maybe Hotaru-chan might like the aquarium too.” 

Setsuna can tell that it is as far as Chibiusa would go with asking for a favor. The young girl tries very hard to be independent, after all. Setsuna feels for her.

“ … Is it just the three of you?”

“No, Minako-chan and Rei-chan are coming too, but, you know,” Chibiusa pouts. Setsuna smiles. She understands. Those two are practically entangled with each other as well. 

“Alright then,” Setsuna says, straightening up with renewed resolve. Certainly, she can handle being around Mamoru for just half a day. She’d have to see him on campus soon anyway. “Let’s go prepare for Hotaru’s outing,” she suggests. 

At that, Chibiusa beams from ear to ear. It melts Setsuna’s heart. She strokes her soft pigtails affectionately. _Anything for you, my princess._ As they walk back to the outer senshi’s home, Setsuna feels it again. Someone is watching them. When she turns around though, she sees no one. … She hopes she is wrong.

*

“You didn’t come with Chibiusa?” 

“She said she’d meet us here,” Usagi answers, squeezing her boyfriend’s arm close to her chest. They are waiting outside the aquarium. “Don’t worry, Mamo-chan! She can take the train on her own.” 

“She’s still very young, you know,” Mamoru reminds her. 

“Yeah, Usagi,” Rei chimes in accusingly with her hands on her waist. “You’re her future mother. Shouldn’t you be more concerned!?”

“I can’t control her, even if I wanted to, Rei-chan!” Usagi glowers. “Don’t be so mean!”

Rei doesn’t back off. “I’m just worried _for_ you!” 

“Well, I didn’t _ask_ you to!”

“Not to mention a new enemy,“ Mamoru mutters quietly to himself, getting more worried by the minute. 

“That’s true,” Minako agrees. “We don’t know much about them still …” They all go quiet for a while, thinking about their latest predicament as sailor senshi. 

“Hi everyone, I brought more friends!”

They release a collective sigh of relief to hear Chibiusa’s voice. Looking up, they see that she is approaching too with Setsuna and baby Hotaru in tow. They all say hi. Immediately, the girls all descend on Hotaru’s pram, doting on the cute baby girl. They don’t get to see her often. Mamoru tries to hide his surprise when he exchanges a courteous nod with Setsuna. After all, they haven’t seen or spoken with each other since she last stormed out of his apartment. 

For a good part of the day, everyone stays with their pairs while walking through the aquarium. Usagi and Mamoru lead the way, with Rei and Minako following, while Setsuna and Chibiusa trail behind, pushing Hotaru in her stroller. Usagi soon gets distracted from her romantic plans with Mamoru, however, when Minako finds a game corner normally reserved for younger children. Chibiusa, despite rolling her eyes at their childishness, also stops by with Rei to watch the two of them duke it out over an intense whack-a-mole type game, with sand eels poking their heads in and out instead. Mamoru looks around and notices that only Setsuna is missing. Even Hotaru is with Chibiusa. 

Ever the concerned guardian, (even though he is only a year older than Setsuna,) he backtracks to find her in the tropical fish room, an immersive space that is essentially a large cylindrical glass wall, reaching from the ceiling to the floor. Even from afar, he can see the deep blue waters reflecting off Setsuna’s mesmerized gaze, like she has never imagined being surrounded by such colorful and curious sea creatures before. 

“Is this your first time?” Mamoru asks, a little hesitant to strike up conversation with her. 

Setsuna turns, clearly a little surprised that he is speaking with her. She quietly nods and turns back to the school of manta rays that is passing over them. They stand in silence for a while, each caught up in their own thoughts. 

It seems to have become a bit of a habit between them, to share a moment with each other without words. 

Setsuna breaks the silence this time.

“Do you think they wonder about the greater world outside?” she asks, her tone a little sad. "I wonder if they feel safe here, or wish there was more to life."

Mamoru glances at her. Her eyes glisten with longing, like she identifies with them. He remembers then, his very first encounter with Sailor Pluto, standing solitarily at the Space-Time Door. 

“Setsuna-san,” he asks. “Are you happy here, or do you … miss the 30 th century?” 

She blinks and turns to him again, this time holding his gaze for a little longer before turning back to the deep waters. He wonders if she would tell him that it is none of his business, but Setsuna surprises him again.

“I am thankful for being given a second chance,” she replies after a while, “and the opportunity to be among the other senshi—” She inhales sharply, like she is about to say something more, but holds it in, and releases a quiet sigh instead. Mamoru wants to encourage Setsuna to speak her mind, but refrains from being pushy after remembering how their last conversation had ended. 

“I’m sorry about last time,” he says instead. “I was rude and aggressive.”

Setsuna smiles a little at his apology, even as her gaze remains fixed on the fish before them. “Please forgive me too, Mamoru-san,” she says. Mamoru has to admit that he is a little stunned. She’s chosen to call him by his given name, again. He had been sure that the last time was a fluke.  Setsuna finally turns her gaze to him, this time not looking away. 

“I may need some time to … get used to being around you.” 

Mamoru wonders if she means that she wants more space, or that she is trying to get used to him, right now. Her unusually fixed gaze unnerves him again, like it did when she had visited him when he was ill. Mamoru runs a hand through his hair and awkwardly looks away. “My future self must’ve been a jerk huh,” he jokes. “You fear him this much.”

Setsuna doesn’t laugh. She doesn’t deride him this time either. “I don’t … fear the king,” she says carefully.

It is that pause again between her words, shielding her true feelings. Mamoru turns to meet her gaze, hoping she would offer more, but she doesn’t. Staring at her now in the low lights, he isn’t sure if he’s ever seen her ruby red orbs so clearly. It is a color so familiar, yet so different from the deep blue that normally mirrors his own. _But I still know this color._ He realizes then, that Setsuna’s eyes are the same color as Chibiusa’s. The thought somehow makes a blush rise to his cheeks. 

“I ... I better go check on Usako and the others,” Mamoru mumbles, backing away slowly, like he’s suddenly come to. “Don’t stay behind too long.”

On the way back to the game corner, Mamoru buries his face in his hand with embarrassment. _God, that was an incredibly awkward exit!_ “What is wrong with me?” he says under his breath. He can feel his heart palpitating, an anxiety that he hasn’t felt around a woman in a long time.

“Mamo-chan?”

He looks up to see Chibiusa, pushing Hotaru’s pram towards him. “Did you see Puu?” the young girl asks. Hotaru makes a blabbering sound too that resembles Setsuna’s nickname. 

“Oh, she’s, uh, in the tropical fish room,” he points behind him uneasily.

Chibiusa does not notice that he is ill at ease. “Okay.” 

“Wait, where are the others?” Mamoru asks, before she continues walking in that direction. Chibiusa puts on her haughtiest look. “Rei-chan got sucked in, too,” she huffs, like she is above all of them. “If I were you, Mamo-chan, I’d come hang out with Puu, too.”

Mamoru isn’t quite so sure about that.

He watches Chibiusa turn the corner and returns with quick steps to what is now a huge commotion at the game corner. Usagi and Rei are having a ridiculous row over who gets to play the next round of whack-a-sand eel, while Minako is competing with what looks to be a group of pre-teen school kids. Mamoru chuckles bitterly. Chibiusa is right. He isn’t sure he wants to be their guardian or mediator right now. 

“Probably shouldn’t let Chibiusa and Hotaru walk around in the dark on their own anyway,” he tells himself, turning around. 

He isn’t even half way there, when he hears a scream. 

“Chibiusa!” He rushes to where he’s left them.

*

Setsuna sighs heavily. 

Placing a hand on the thick glass, she watches a pair of gorgeous red fish swim above her. She wonders if she’s said too much, even though she’s barely scratched the surface. Mamoru certainly seemed taken aback. 

“Aw, honey, did he break your heart?”

“I’m sorry?” Setsuna turns around to face a tall young man who is suddenly standing very close to her. She is surprised by how she had failed to notice his approach. 

“Isn’t he two-timing with you and that other woman?” The stranger asks again, with a mischievous glint in his eye. A distractingly large feathered earring flutters against his neckline as he shakes his head disapprovingly. “I wonder if she knows he's the father of those children of yours?”

Setsuna frowns. She is about to tell him to leave her alone, when she hears a familiar voice calling her name. They both turn to see Chibiusa approaching the tropical fish room with the baby stroller. 

The overly familiar man sighs exasperatedly. “God, it is _impossible_ to catch a moment alone with you!”

That comment alone is enough for Setsuna to raise a protective hand up at Chibiusa, urging her to stay back. Chibiusa stops to a halt near the entrance. 

“Who are you, and what do you want with me,” Setsuna asks the man warily. 

He grins, like he’s been waiting for her to ask. 

“Just your dream, that’s all.” 

Setsuna’s eyes widen with realization, but it is too late. Hawk’s Eye transforms before her eyes, revealing his true identity. 

“Puu!” Chibiusa screams with alarm. “Tsk,” Hawk’s Eye clicks his tongue menacingly, “What a noisy child.” As soon as he pulls out his torch, Setsuna recovers from her shock and jumps right into the line of fire between him and the children. She gets hit by burning flames, straight in the gut. It sends her whirling into the air and slams her against the glass walls. Setsuna hits the back of her head squarely, and slides to the stone, cold floor. 

Dazed from the impact, she vaguely hears Chibiusa crying and sees her getting snatched away. Hotaru’s pram falls to the floor with a crash, too. 

“No …” Setsuna groans in pain, trying to get up. She reaches for her Pluto lip rod, but she is too late.

_“One.”_

A metal plank appears out of nowhere from beneath her. Setsuna feels the air rush out of her lungs as it swings her upright. 

_“Two.”_

Her wrists and ankles are shackled to the board.

_“Three.”_

She screams. A bright light spills from her chest. It is so painful. So much more painful than the burnt gash in her gut. It feels like her soul is being torn from her body. Setsuna tries to breathe through the shooting pain as her dream mirror materializes. _I have to fight._ She can see him, the enemy, now stalking up to her with satisfaction. She fights against her shackles, but is helpless as he grabs her mirror.

_No._

As soon as Hawk’s Eye shoves his head in, a different, invasive sensation fills her chest. Setsuna cries for him to stop. Her consciousness fades in and out as he violates her dream with an evil cackle that rings through her whole body. She is sure that she is going to throw up, when, suddenly, Hawk’s Eye shrieks in surprised pain. He backs out of her mirror to find a newly formed ugly gash on his neckline. His feathered earring flies off. Blood drips down his toga crop-top. Setsuna looks up weakly to see a smatter of rose petals in the air. A bright red rose stabs into the floor. “Tuxedo … Mask,” she whispers, her chest heaving with difficulty.

Instead of making his usual poetic speeches, Tuxedo darts straight into Hawk’s Eye, cane extended. He is taken by surprise, however, when Hawk’s Eye immediately teleports himself several feet away, jumping through a hoop of brown feathers.

“Look out!” Setsuna yells for him to turn around. Tuxedo dodges the handful of knives that Hawk’s Eye has thrown at him, swinging his cape in front of Setsuna to shield them both. “Are you okay,” he asks hastily. Setsuna feels his soft breath on her forehead, and tears form in her eyes as an unexpected and incredible sense of relief wash through her. She could barely answer before Hawk’s Eye teleports back again. Tuxedo turns just in time, slamming his cane against Hawk’s Eye’s two short knives.

“So, you two know each other?” the elfin man snickers.

“How dare you do this,” Tuxedo growls. Hawk’s Eye seems to enjoy his anger, especially now that he’s gotten a good look at Tuxedo Mask up close. He chuckles into Mamoru’s ear. “You look just like him in her dreams.”

Exploiting Tuxedo Mask’s moment of hesitation to that comment, Hawk’s Eye blows his torch straight into his face. Tuxedo shields himself with his cape, but just barely. “Ugh!” he groans, collapsing to the floor. His cape sizzles from the flames, and his right cheekbone and forearm are scorched. His eyesight is blurred, too. Tuxedo realizes that half of his mask is singed and falling off.

Hawk’s Eye laughs at his pathetic state. “She's no host for Pegasus, but it's really a sweet little dream. Let me show you,” he offers zealously, grabbing Tuxedo by the head.

“No,” Setsuna chokes, realizing what Hawk’s Eye is about to do. Tears fall freely down her cheeks as she struggles against her shackles. “Please, no, _please_.”

“Stop,” Tuxedo protests too, but to no avail. Hawk’s Eye drags him to Setsuna, and pushes his head straight through her dream mirror with force. Setsuna screams, an excruciating pain wracks through her soul, beyond what she's ever experienced.

_Please, don't ... Mamoru-san!_

*

Mamoru has no idea where he is.

Stretching before him is an unfamiliar landscape, an expansive, red desert. _How did I get here?_ He looks across the horizon, and senses that Earth is far, far away. _How is that possible?_ Turning around, he finds that he's been standing at the gates of a ceremonial complex, one that is reminiscent of the Greeks. The bleached buildings stand out on the reddish brown-landscape.

Cautiously, Mamoru walks through the estate. He passes a temple with a large statue of a two-faced god, one of a man, and the other of a woman. He does not recognize them. Beyond it, he finds a throne room, where he finally sees her - Setsuna.

_Have I been looking for her?_

Mamoru isn’t sure, but now that he sees her taking her place at the royal seat, he couldn’t look away.

The first thing that catches his eye is the long and luscious dress that is so perfectly hugging her figure. Thin shoulder straps covered in rhinestones show off her delicate collar bone, and the low-cut neckline emphasizes her cleavage, which, Mamoru has frankly never thought about before. Her sight makes the heat rise to his cheeks, again. _Again?_ He tries to remember when was the last time. It doesn’t feel too long ago. What makes his heart _really_ skip a beat though, are the long slits on each side of her dress, riding so high that they threaten to expose her crossed thighs at any moment.

Mamoru takes a minute to regain his breath. He's so distracted, that he almost misses the Pluto insignia on her forehead, and that Chibiusa, too, had been sitting in her lap, all this time. The young girl is in her moon princess dress. _“My Small Lady,”_ he hears Setsuna, or Pluto, say.

 _This must be the 30_ _th_ _century_ , he thinks, until he sees himself, this time, appearing behind them. Mamoru experiences the shock of his lifetime, when he sees his double press his lips against Pluto’s neckline. He fully expects her to evade him with disgust, but instead she lets out a small gratified sigh, and further leans her head to one side, giving him more access. Mamoru-double leaves a trail of kisses up to her temple. Except, this man isn’t quite _him_. This Mamoru is wearing a mask, one equal to Tuxedo’s own, but his hair is a deep purple. His cloak, too, is a brilliant lavender.

_That’s King Endymion._

_“Papa,”_ Lady Serenity calls, confirming Mamoru’s suspicions. He watches Chibiusa reach up to her father. The king chuckles, ruffling his young daughter’s hair and planting a kiss on her forehead. Pluto turns to him too, placing a hand tenderly on his chin. Mamoru feels her pulling him in, like he is suddenly in King Endymion’s position. He feels her lips graze over his, too, and it feels real, _so_ real. As if she were _really_ kissing him. Setsuna whispers softly against his jawline.

_“Mamoru-san.”_

Abruptly, Tuxedo is pulled out of the dream mirror. Entirely disoriented, he finds that he is now in the middle of a battle again, and Hawk’s Eye is distracted by Moon, Mars and Venus. Taking the opportunity, Tuxedo strikes him from behind. Mars and Venus, too, release a combo attack, sending Hawk’s Eye flying. The lemures that Hawk's Eye has brought with him hits back, and the battle is on, but there isn’t much space for this much commotion. Setsuna and her dream mirror are in grave danger.

Unshackling her in a haze, Tuxedo Mask carries her to safety. As soon as they are out of the way, he shakes his head vigorously, trying to regain his senses. He still couldn’t quite tell what is real and what isn’t, but the soft, sensual impression of dream Setsuna’s lips remains strongly on the forefront of his mind. Mamoru blushes hard.

 _Is this what it is like, to see someone else’s … dream?_ He could barely look her in the eye. When Setsuna grips onto his sleeve with urgency, however, Mamoru relents. He turns to see her, face flushed and tears streaking down her cheeks. So incredibly vulnerable, in a way that he's never seen her. Mamoru feels his heart clench at her next words. 

“Where is … Small Lady?” Her voice trembles. Even now, she's more worried about Chibiusa than herself. Holding her hand tight to reassure her, he looks up to where he had left Chibiusa and Hotaru earlier - it was him, who had grabbed them, when Setsuna shielded them from Hawk’s Eye. He finds that the two children are still hiding, holding on to each other. Chibiusa had wanted badly to join the fight, but promised Mamoru she would protect baby Hotaru. He’s grateful that she’s kept her promise.

“She’s fine,” he consoles, turning back to face Setsuna. He looks into her eyes with absolute guarantee. “They’re both fine.”

Setsuna nods. “Thank god … ” she whispers with what remains of her strength, and falls unconscious finally, relaxing her grip on his sleeve. Mamoru continues to squeeze her hand tight. In the dimly lit aquarium, he sees her fluttering eyelashes, and those lips _—_ Mamoru drops his head in shame. 

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly. He wishes he could erase it from his memory, but he couldn’t unhear it. He couldn't unfeel it.

Her sweet voice, affectionately calling his name.


	10. Gossip Girls

Defeating Dead Moon Circus was no easy task. Their big boss Queen Nehelenia even returned once, before the sailor senshi finally succeeded in defending their planet from the enemy. Chibiusa, having grown immensely as a senshi trainee, has since left for the 30th century as well. In a sense, life has returned to normal for the inner senshi girls, though normal these days feels a little strange. 

"I'm gonna miss Chibiusa-chan,” Makoto confesses. 

Ami looks up from her reference book and stares at the ceiling, sighing as well. “It is going to be quiet around here again ... ”

Rei nods quietly in agreement, stirring her drink. They are gathered at Fruit Parlor Crown to meet for afternoon tea, but one of five is notably missing.

"Usagi-chan must be devastated,” Minako comments between spoonfuls of her parfait. She glances at the empty seat next to Ami. “Is she really coming today?"

"I hope so,” Rei responds softly. “Luna just went home to check in on her."

They all go quiet for a while, remembering how Usagi had cried the last time Chibiusa had almost had to go home. 

For all their fighting, she really does care. 

This time though, Usagi just clammed up, which is almost more worrisome.

“Speaking of Chibiusa-chan,” Makoto changes the topic, hoping to lighten the mood. “I saw Setsuna-san earlier.”

“Aww," Minako sympathizes, "she must miss her too.”

Rei takes a sip of her tea. "How is she holding up?"

“Well,” Makoto pauses, realizing suddenly that perhaps what she is about to bring up isn’t exactly fun. “I only saw her from afar, actually.”

Minako chuckles. “What’s that about?” 

“Well,” Makoto scratches the side of her head, a little embarrassed now. “She was with Mamoru-san, and I felt like ... I couldn’t get close to say hi.”

Rei raises an eyebrow.

Minako perks up.  “They do exude an untouchable atmosphere together.”

Noticing Rei’s frown, Makoto chuckles awkwardly. “University students sure are different.”

Oblivious, Minako clicks her tongue at Makoto. “Not just _any_ university, Mako-chan—Keio is top 3 in Japan! Imagine the children they’d have together.”

Ami looks up from her reference book again, sounding a little alarmed this time. “Surely you don’t mean to say that they’re engaged in indecency!?”

“Well-behaved, intellectual babies,” Makoto fantasizes. “Probably grow up to be physicists themselves.”

“I’m sure they’re just friends!” Makoto panics when Ami covers her mouth, clearly scandalized. 

Minako laughs. “I just meant hypothetically.” She loves teasing them.  “Though, remember that time when Mamoru-san saved Setsuna-san from Hawk’s Eye?” She nudges Rei slyly. “You were there too.”

Rei continues to quietly stare at her drink. Of course she remembers. After all, she was the one who had found Tuxedo Mask holding Setsuna that day. Out of everyone at the table, Rei is the one who knows Mamoru best, and she had found the tender look on his face immediately suspicious. The way he had squeezed her hand so intimately. It bothered her. 

It still bothers her.

“Ah! Usagi-chan!” Ami gasps. 

They all turn to see her and Luna entering the cafe. 

“Everyone shut up!” Minako whispers loudly, hiding behind her monthly celebrity magazine. 

“Minako-chan, you're too obvious!” Makoto whispers back, but also hides behind the zine. 

Rei nervously switches the topic to their favorite new boy band. Immediately, Minako and Makoto squeal in excitement. 

“Three Lights?” Luna asks as she hops onto Ami’s lap. 

“ _Don’t you know them???_ ” The girls ask in unison, pointing at Minako's magazine cover, which features three good-looking boys their age.

“I have to say," Minako gets into fantasy mode again. "Seiya is the one for me. He has that wild, dangerous air about him.” Makoto agrees.

“Ehh, isn’t he kinda childish?” Rei chimes in while glancing at Usagi, who doesn’t seem to be listening. 

_Oh dear, she’s really taking Chibiusa-chan’s departure hard._

“I prefer Yaten-kun,” Rei says a little louder, hoping Usagi would take interest. Minako and Makoto continue to discuss with enthusiasm. Ami shyly joins in, musing about the remaining Three Lights member, the "intellectual and highly refined Taiki-san."

“Yes … Wait a second, Ami-chan,” Minako comes to. “You’re a secret fan, aren’t you?!” 

Flustered, Ami hides behind her book immediately. They all laugh, except for one.

“ ... How about you, Usagi-chan?” Minako asks then, hoping to cheer up their unusually quiet friend. Usagi normally loves gossiping about pretty boys. “Who interests you most?”

“Mamo-chan,” Usagi answers absently.

_Mamo-chan,_ who is about to study abroad. 

_Mamo-chan,_ whom she might not see for the next year, if not longer.

As she discloses the news by rote to her shocked friends, Usagi barely holds back her tears. She squeezes the hem of her skirt, like she had, when Mamoru first broke the news to her.

_Why did he not tell me, until he’s made his decision?_

It feels so one-sided. So sudden. 

She’s proud of him, certainly.  After all, Harvard sounds like a top university in America. She wants to be supportive of his dreams. Their civilian life is precious, especially when putting their future as the planet's monarch in perspective. Usagi understands that he wants to make the most out of it.

Still, she cannot help but think about how far apart they will be. 

Loving Mamoru is like chasing after someone who has already had a head start. He keeps getting farther and farther. 

But  how will she catch up ... if she can’t even see him anymore?


	11. Ring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 呼び捨て (yobisute): Calling someone without honorifics. Doing so is considered rude or a sign of intimacy.

"Setsuna—san."

Mamoru inhales sharply. He almost skipped the honorific when calling her.

_Since when has her name rolled off my tongue so naturally?_

It’s hard enough, what he is about to tell her. He sees Setsuna pause at the top of the staircase, glancing back at him with an unsuspecting look that makes him falter.

He can't.

A whistle in the distance fills the silence between them, signalling the arrival of their train.

"... Never mind." Mamoru shakes his head. _Sorry_ , he says more quietly, walking ahead of her onto the platform. He doesn't explain himself.

Setsuna doesn't press him either.

It's a quality of hers that is both calming and disorienting. After all, Mamoru is more used to Usagi's loud persistence. How should he gauge Setsuna's contrasting silence? 

Is she content? 

Is she upset? 

Does she care?

_You don't have to do this_ , he had wanted to say to her earlier, but saying so would reveal what he knows.

Her tear-stricken face. 

How she had begged to not have her heart exposed.

… Mamoru had failed her that day.

It's been months since the Hawk's Eye incident, but they haven't once spoken about it. Privately, he’s struggled to forget the invasive and surreal experience. It is a strange thing, to be affected so strongly by having experienced someone else's desires. He feels as though a part of him never left her dream mirror, like something about her has also intermingled with his soul. When he sees Setsuna now, he doesn't just see a mysteriously reserved but strong-willed woman. He _feels_ her refrain from being too close to him. He _knows_ why.

It scares him a little, and his difficulty in getting over the incident makes it all the more unbelievable that she behaves as if ... as if she’s forgotten.

Amnesia is the only reasonable explanation, in fact.  Knowing Setsuna, she wouldn't have otherwise spoken to him ever again. The Guardian of Time is just that fastidious.

The train doors open, revealing carriages that are very nearly full. They slip in as best they can, as one does in this part of Tokyo if one wants to get anywhere. Mamoru tries, but has no chance of maintaining a respectful distance with Setsuna, not on a packed train ride towards Chuō district. He was worried about this, too, earlier, but his opportunity to bow out has long passed—back there, when he’d stopped her at the platform. 

With a resigned sigh, he peers down to find that Setsuna doesn’t seem to share his consternation. Her pensive gaze is trained far beyond the train window. The subtle hint of lavender in her hair, which is only more apparent from up close, makes him feel a little short of breath, a little warm under the collar. Mamoru turns his head away.

_This is too much._

He's already lost count of the times that he's found himself staring at her today. The worst of it was when they were finishing up in lab. Setsuna was redoing her hair bun, something she does habitually at the end of every lab session. Usually he'd look away, just as he is doing right now. These small gestures of hers make his heart flutter in a way that feels all too inappropriate. Today though, he found himself paying attention when she let her hair cascade down her shoulders. He found himself staring, still, when she swept it up in one fell swoop, twisting it into a neat bundle at the nape of her neck. He couldn't tear his eyes away.

_What's come over me?_

_I'm just a little sentimental_ , he tells himself. Even though he hasn't told her, _he_ knew that it was likely the last time that they would ever work in lab together. _It doesn't matter why,_ Mamoru tells himself too. What matters is that he had let slip. He isn't supposed to. Not when he has Usagi. Thinking about his upcoming departure, Mamoru recalls how his girlfriend had stayed silent, when he broke the news. How she had acquiesced so reluctantly, that for the hundredth time, he wondered if he were making the right decision. He isn’t sure that he’d ever know, not until he’s gone for it. 

_No,_ Mamoru mentally shakes himself. The problem isn’t that he is about to step outside his comfort zone to make _his_ dream come true. It is that he had stared at Setsuna's neckline too intently, so much so that he can vividly remember how it had felt in her dream, to be King Endymion, leaving a sensual trail of kisses on her warm skin. He could almost feel her dangling earrings tinkle against his face. They were graceful on her.

He’d said that last part, out loud.

And Setsuna had heard it.

It was embarrassing. 

When she turned around, looking quite startled with a light flush colouring her cheeks, Mamoru had to make an incoherent sound to mask his unintentional compliment. It was too late. "You—must know where to buy nice jewellery," he had added, hastily.

Naturally, her wide eyed surprise turned into a slightly suspicious frown. Mamoru never cared for jewellery, after all. What surprised him was how her face lit up, when he followed up again to explain himself. She surprised him even more by offering up a list of unfamiliar brand names, and suggesting she take him downtown. 

And so, here they are, going out together to pick a ring for Usagi.

It's certainly not how he would've imagined spending the last day of school with Setsuna. Mamoru is relieved though. It's been a long journey, getting her comfortable enough to not tiptoe around him anymore—another reason why he’s avoided speaking about her dream mirror with her. He doesn’t want her to drift away again.

Apparently, Setsuna feels relieved as well, but for a very different reason. 

“My mind is at ease,” she admits, when most of the passengers have gotten off. They still have another station to go. Mamoru raises a questioning eyebrow as he moves to make room finally. The train is a lot more spacious now. He can breathe easy.

"You've decided to propose to the princess," Setsuna continues to say. She is respectful as usual, but her eyes are now dancing with joyful pride.

If Mamoru hadn’t been blushing before, he is now. I'm not _proposing_ to Usako yet, he wants to say. He means for it to be more of a promise ring, but how would he tell Setsuna that, without also explaining that he is about to study abroad? This isn't how he wanted to tell her. Lord, he should've never involved her. Mamoru covers his face in embarrassment. 

“I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have dragged you along."

He wishes he could say more, but she doesn't behave as if she minds it the slightest. 

"It is my honor,” Setsuna responds humbly.

The distance that she creates between them is consistently implied in her posture and her words. Mamoru doesn't get it. How does she maintain such composure, when her feelings for him go well beyond her duties to 30th century Crystal Tokyo? 

He knows that he didn't fantasize what he saw.

Or perhaps ... she is a good liar after all.

"Don't you just _know_ the future?" He probes warily. "Why would you ... worry?"

Setsuna grimaces a little. She hasn't told him about her quandary as a senshi.  "My ability to see across time is limited in this form," she admits. 

"Though that isn't even the point,” she adds quietly, her expression returning to its usual sombreness. "You know as I do. Time isn't static."

After all, they are both well trained in space-time physics, though Setsuna is more of the theoretician of the two. She watches as Mamoru falls into deep thought.

"Temporal paradoxes," he mutters finally. 

Setsuna nods. He is on the right track.

"So, the future that you and Chibiusa came from," he postulates, "could it be different from the future that we're heading into?"

To his surprise, Setsuna openly makes a pained expression. 

" ... In a sense, it already is," she answers, looking off into the horizon again. He could see her, visibly calming down, like she needs to look ahead in order to keep it together. Perhaps that was what she was thinking about too earlier, when she was staring out of the train. 

“In my past, I never reincarnated after all."

Right.

"We're here,” she announces.

They've arrived at Ginza.

*

“Many of the rings here have understated but beautiful designs," Setsuna explains outside the flagship store of a famous jeweller. It was his request to not get something too flashy for Usagi, who is only just starting high school. Walking along the show windows, Mamoru leans in to inspect their ring collections. _Promising, so far._ There seems to be a good range for his budget.

A chicly dressed salesperson exits the store to greet them. "Good afternoon, sir," they say to Mamoru with a welcoming smile. "Are you looking for anything specific today? For your missus, perhaps?"

"Yes, uh," he sees the salesperson smiling and nodding at Setsuna, and panics a little. "No, this is not—“

"He's my future boss," Setsuna offers. 

Mamoru feels complicated. He wants to correct her, to remind her how temporal paradoxes work, but he is also distracted by the salesperson, who takes it to a whole other level of misunderstanding. “We’ll be discreet then,” they whisper with a conspiratorial chuckle. “Office romances are quite common these days, you know."

Mamoru blushes profusely. "No, we're not—we’re good friends.” He glances at Setsuna, who looks just as perplexed. "She's here to help me pick a promise ring out, for my girlfriend," Mamoru finishes explaining.

"Oh dear, I'm so very sorry," the salesperson apologizes, though still chuckling as they enter the store. "You have such a magnetic chemistry about you, I misunderstood."

Now Setsuna is blushing, too. She can't even bear to check how Mamoru is reacting as she looks away, her heart palpitating. _Unbelievable._

She only allows herself a peek at him again a while later, when they've all moved on to the business at hand. She had not missed what Mamoru had said earlier, that he is finding Usagi a "promise ring". It was a little disappointing to hear, but Setsuna supposes that she understands too. The princess is still quite young. There is plenty of time.

His gesture warms Setsuna’s heart regardless. As Guardian of Time, it is reassuring to know that they are steadily moving towards a familiar future, one in which she would be able to watch over the royal family from a distance once more. It is hard for her still, sometimes, to digest that Mamoru or any of the inner senshi actually considers her a friend, and a _good_ friend at that. It is a privilege that she never imagined having.

Squinting at the kaleidoscopic lights in the store, she finds herself slightly mesmerized by how the prince is starting to resemble King Endymion with every day. _Or is it my wishful thinking?_ Setsuna knows by now, how uncomfortable Mamoru seems to be with her knowledge of his future. She can't help it though. She's spent centuries observing others' lives, the royal family above all else. She can recognize the future king, even by his vague silhouette. 

Case in point, Setsuna recalls waking up in the infirmary at the aquarium a while ago, when she was told by Mars and Venus that she'd been attacked by enemies from Dead Moon Circus. The only thing she remembers clearly from that day was Tuxedo Mask. The way his outline had cast a shadow on her. His voice, calling her name. 

_But how can that be?_

If only her mind would stop replaying her delusions, over and over again. Taking a deep breath, Setsuna regains her composure. She will not be caught daydreaming about a man she cannot have.

Looking around the store, she finds Mamoru again, and sees that he is overwhelmed by the sheer amount of choices provided by the salesperson. She can tell too from his polite reserve that he hasn't seen one yet that feels quite right. Sure enough, he turns to her for advice.

“What do you think, Setsuna—san?"

It would be a lie to say that she hasn’t noticed how odd he sounds when he calls for her lately. The pause that he makes between her name and the honorific, like he is thinking about something. Like he is hesitant. Setsuna doesn’t ask why though. It would be rude to point it out, especially if it doesn't mean anything.

Walking up to the showcase that he is leaning over, she sorts out a few collections with colorful accent stones that complement the center diamond. Mamoru clearly isn’t quite sold. Setsuna feels his gaze on her, like he is trying to gauge something. He does that, too, lately. Staring at her. 

Now, _that_ , Setsuna doesn’t want to ask why.

"What would you wear?" she hears him ask finally.

Setsuna realizes then that he’s been studying her jewellery. She feels a flush rise to her cheeks again.  "My tastes are different," she says dismissively, turning away.

"I'd like to hear it."

He is insistent. 

"You have lovely taste, missus," the salesperson offers too. 

"Perhaps it will help him, knowing what you'd choose."

Eventually, Setsuna assents with a nod. It was his compliment of her earrings that has brought them here after all. Inspecting the room carefully, she walks to a different showcase, one with center pieces made of other stones, much different from what they were considering. She points at a garnet ring with a simple band. It has a large center stone in a pear shaped cut, surrounded delicately by a halo of small diamond accent stones.

"A statement piece," the salesperson compliments the choice, pulling the ring out for her.

“Oh no, that's not necessary," Setsuna quickly refuses, but Mamoru presses her as well. "Try it on," he says, picking up the ring, as if to examine it. When he turns to take her hand, Setsuna freezes. 

This is not a scenario that she’s prepared herself for. 

It takes her all her self control to not sigh audibly in relief, when he briefly pauses over her ring finger, but ultimately slips the ring onto her middle finger instead.

"It looks good on you," Mamoru says quietly, still holding her hand. Setsuna could hardly hear his words. All she can pay attention to is the way that he’s running his thumb over her hand while holding her gaze. Her heart is pounding in her ears. She barely notices that neither of them have looked down at the ring.

"It does," the shop attendant's voice breaks their reverie.

Setsuna quickly withdraws her hand then, a deep blush rising to her cheeks at the realization that they were being watched. Mamoru is embarrassed as well, she can tell. He’s looking away with a hand over his mouth.

"The middle finger symbolizes balance and responsibility, missus,” the salesperson continues to chimes in with a pleasant laugh. “Perfect from a future boss." Their words stir up an unexpected feeling of pride in her work, but Setsuna is more bothered by the implication that Mamoru would buy it for her. 

_This isn’t right._

"I don't think it would suit Usagi-san," she finally responds curtly, removing the ring and placing it on the counter.  The salesperson is quick to pick up on her slight displeasure.  Swiftly, they pick out several other non-diamond rings from the same show case. 

“How about these then?” they ask a little nervously.

Setsuna takes a deep breath once more. Carefully putting her feelings in check, she turns back to the counter, looking over each of the options offered expertly until she comes upon several rings with a heart-shaped cut. Turning to Mamoru, who still looks a little flustered, she sees that his eyes are shining with approval as well. 

He joins her at the counter and pauses to think, before picking one out that has a sweet pink color.

_Yes._

“Small Lady,” Setsuna says breathlessly.

_“_ Usako would love it,” he agrees. She’s been missing Chibiusa a lot already. 

He hasn’t missed the subtle change in Setsuna’s mood either. While the shop attendant is busy with his credit card and wrapping up the gift, Mamoru takes the moment to check in on her.

“You must miss her too,” he whispers without looking at her directly. He still feels a little awkward from their earlier exchange.

To his surprise, he feels Setsuna shake her head next to him.

"We have our responsibilities,” she says quietly.

Mamoru notices then, for the first time, that Setsuna respects Chibiusa as an equal, as much as she sees her as a young friend and apprentice. Thinking over it in silence, he realizes that the pink-haired senshi is getting closer to the age when Usagi first became a senshi herself. He supposes it is only fair, if not a little austere. Setsuna always seems to have the future in mind.

"It's okay to miss her though," he nudges gently, pressing his hand against her politely placed hands on the counter. An intimate but chaste gesture. It surprises him, regardless, that Setsuna doesn't move either. When he glances at her, he catches the moment her features soften. She must be deep in thought about Chibiusa.

Inscrutable as Setsuna is, underneath that calm appearance is a disarmingly emotionally present person, one whom he barely knows, but knows too much at the same time. Her reaction to the news of him proposing to Usagi—however misinformed—makes sense now. No one means more to Setsuna than Chibiusa, who wouldn’t exist if not for his union with Usagi. Not even her private feelings for him will get in the way. 

He feels as though he finally understands something about her. Why she maintains her distance with him. Why she smiles now with a hint of pride, even as she turns to him with her eyes glistening. And why he sees his reflection in the way she looks at him, plain as day. He understands something new about himself too.

Mamoru can hide his face again, look away again, but he cannot deny it.

He’s taken with her. 

He's taken with Setsuna Meiou.


	12. Keibetsu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 軽蔑 (keibetsu): To disdain, to hold in contempt.

"So, Chiba-kun, you're leaving tomorrow then?"

Mamoru bows in response, handing Professor Kusakabe, his faculty advisor, a printed copy of his senior thesis. "Thank you for your guidance."

Kusakabe sighs, receiving the finished product. 

"We're going to miss you around here,” she says regretfully. “You have been such a stellar student. An incredible role model for the lab … Are you sure you don't want to announce your departure?"

A sad smile touches Mamoru's lips.

"I'd prefer to leave quietly."

*

No one is in the astrophysics lab, but Mamoru has expected as much. He turns the lights on and takes in his surroundings with a heavy heart as he approaches his old desk. Mamoru empties it like a careful ritual, taking his time to savor this low key but significant step in bringing closure to his years at university. He leaves some books that are too heavy to ship to America, and places them in the lab's small but well curated library across the room. It feels like he is leaving a small part of himself there.

At Setsuna's work station, he pauses to linger over her open lab notebook. Her data entry is impeccable, as usual. She would surely do well on her own thesis project in the coming school year. It's clear, too, that she's on campus right now. Her coat is hanging in the corner. A quiet afternoon like this would be Setsuna’s favorite time to work in lab, though Mamoru timed his visit well - he purposely dropped by when she would be in a teaching assistant meeting. 

Taking a deep breath, he unlatches his brief case and places a copy of his thesis on her desk. He also takes out a box wrapped in gift paper, hesitates, before placing that on her desk, too. 

Mamoru reminds himself that he's decided on this. 

He wants closure. 

It feels like closure. 

Just as he is about to leave, Mamoru hears the lab door click open. He turns to see Setsuna slide the door open with force, much more than she normally would. It hits the wall with a smack. 

"I saw ... the lights were on," she says, slightly out of breath. She must have run here. Setsuna catches his eye and quickly takes a furtive glance at his now empty desk. The look of disbelief on her face tells him everything. 

_She knows._

Mamoru feels guilty. He watches her close the door behind her carefully, like she is taking her time to consider her choice of words. When Setsuna turns to face him again, arms firmly placed against her sides, he notices how her eyes convey uncertainty and sadness. A deep betrayal. Mamoru swallows in dread.

"So, it's true,” Setsuna says.

It isn't a question. As always, her questions are rarely expressed with the inflection of one. Mamoru is used to it by now. He nods in response.

"How long," she pauses, as if to gather her wits about her. It isn’t often that her voice trembles like that. “—is the program," she finishes with difficulty. Mamoru hesitates. 

“One year ... at least."

"At least?" Her voice goes up an octave. It clearly surprises her as much as it does him. Setsuna immediately purses her lips tight. Mamoru knows nothing he says would help, which is precisely why he wanted to leave quietly, but he might as well come clean now.

"Depending on how well I do over there, I may consider a PhD.”

He doesn't hear her inhale sharply as much as he sees it. The way her lips part subtly in surprise, too stunned for words. A PhD degree in the US can last anywhere from four to six years, maybe more.

"I am sorry,” he approaches with regret. “I … should have told you.” It’s one thing to decide not telling her in person would be better. It’s something else to see the impact in person.

Setsuna shakes her head sternly. He does not owe _her_ an explanation. Whatever personal feelings she has for the news of his departure, she can cast it aside to focus on her duties to the throne. _This anger isn’t personal,_ she tells herself. _This anger bubbling within me is ... disappointment in his lack of concern for his duties, for—_

She steels herself. “How does the princess feel about the PhD.” 

Mamoru does not miss the exasperation seething underneath her feigned calmness.

“I haven’t told Usako yet. She knows about Harvard, but the details ... I don't want to alarm her, in case the PhD isn’t even possible."

"But you are considering it.” 

The angry words slip out before she can stop them. Suddenly she’s making all the connections.

"Is this the reason why you picked out the ring, even though you don't plan on being here for her in the next few years, you—" Her eyes go wide with the realization of the broader implications for the timeline that he is considering. "Are you … are you going to be back in time?”

As soon as the question falls from her lips, Setsuna clasps her hand over her mouth. Mamoru can make an educated guess for her concern without her sharing the specifics. After all, Neo Queen Serenity and King Endymion, who had stopped ageing nearly a millennium prior to the 30th century, do not look too much older than their present selves. Unlike him, Setsuna must know the precise year that their pink-haired princess will be born, too. It must all happen within the next half decade or so.

Mamoru runs a hand through his hair and down his neck in frustration.

"Is it … really so bad that I want to pursue something that I’m good at? To be more than just a trophy husband?”

_What?_

Setsuna is so shaken that she nearly forgets how to speak. She latches on to the last words he said, words that made no sense to her at all.

“The king is no trophy—where is this heresy coming from?!” She is surely losing composure, to be yelling at the future monarch like this.

Mamoru shakes his head, like she should understand what he means. After all—“my powers clearly cannot compare to those of Sailor Moon, much less to Neo Queen Serenity." It's something everyone else seems too polite to mention, even though they are certainly all aware of it. He's been kidnapped most often out of any of them. That much should be obvious.

It surprises him a little, the way Setsuna looks at him like he’s lost his mind. 

"You underestimate yourself, Mamoru-san. You underestimate him. The golden crystal and silver crystal work in tandem to sustain Crystal Tokyo. The Neo Queen doesn’t do it alone. King Endymion is … irreplaceable.”

Mamoru watches her go from expressing disbelief to casting her eyes as her mind wanders to her past, his future. Setsuna's hand unconsciously rises to her lips, like she is remembering something. Mamoru blushes.

 _Is she even aware of how her expression softens when she thinks of her beloved king? Does she realize that I can see it, plain as day?_ For reasons that he is ashamed to admit, he feels jealous of the man that she knew he would become in another timeline. Of all people, he is jealous of King Endymion—!

_God, I must leave. Now._

Otherwise, he’s sure to make a fool of himself before the day is over. 

Mamoru turns to leave, but realizes that he’s left his briefcase at Setsuna’s desk. Awkwardly, he stalks to the back of the room to fetch it. The whole time, Setsuna watches him wordlessly from the center of the room, like she is refusing to beg him to reconsider.

" ... Is this really so important that you have to abandon your post here?”

Mamoru knows that he should just answer in the affirmative. He knows that he could also just walk away, but he cannot ignore the trembling in her voice. The honesty, but also the deceit. The way her feelings are so transparent to him, even though anyone else would single-mindedly credit her frustrations to her sense of duty. Even now, she cannot even say what she really means.

Something snaps inside him. 

Mamoru places his briefcase at the door and turns around.

*

“Setsuna—san, tell me something.”

She backs up instinctively. It’s the way he paused again, between her name and the honorific. He takes a step closer.

“Why do you deny yourself happiness?”

_Eh?_

"I find it hard to believe that you really want to go back to being the solitary Guardian of Time. Is that what will be in store for you again, some years from now? Is that what you _want_?”

Setsuna reacts defensively. "That's not your concern. What does this have to do with anything?”

"It has _everything_ to do with me if I'm to be your king." He is right. After all, Endymion—in the future she came from—was in charge of internal affairs, including the welfare of the senshi. “You've made all these friends, lived a normal life, pursuing dreams beyond being a senshi, and you are willing to go back to being alone? How will you, knowing you can have this?” He gestures to the room. _To him,_ Setsuna realizes. She feels a little light headed under his intent gaze, the way he scans over her face raptly. And when has he closed in on her? Suddenly, he’s standing so close.

“I ... wouldn't allow that,” Mamoru finishes. “It would be cruel." 

She can hardly focus. She can feel his body heat radiating off of him, even though they aren't touching. Being just about half a head shorter than him, Mamoru is close enough to have to cast his eyes down on her. Setsuna looks away.

“That's ... kind of you, but I'll be fine," she reasserts. She honestly didn’t think that he would have put so much thought into her position as a senshi. It softens her accusatory stance towards him a little. Still, she's spent millennia alone. Her duty is to Time, and she will guard it with her life, just as she would guard the silver millennium throne. It is not a burden.

It cannot be.

She can sense now that Mamoru is frustrated. Taking a glimpse at him, she sees him bite his lower lip and feels a surge of warmth to her cheeks. Setsuna cannot fathom his consternation. _Why does it matter to him what happens to me? S_ he is getting a little frustrated, too, by his redirection. 

“I thought we were talking about you leaving for the US.”

“... And why does that matter to you.”

Setsuna is baffled. “Excuse me?”

“Why does it matter to _you_ ,” Mamoru repeats. Something about the way he emphasizes the last word makes her nervous. “You say that time isn't static, but you actually insist on its rigidity. Why is that.”

Setsuna suddenly wishes that she had not explained to him how time works. He hits the nail on its head, and it hurts. He is also now mirroring the tone that she uses to ask questions, which makes her feel defensive again. Setsuna folds her arms together.

“Because it’s my fault." She isn't sure anymore if she is upset at him, or herself. Seeing the growing intensity in his eyes, she looks away again. “I shouldn’t have been in this timeline to begin with.“

“It’s not _your_ fault that we almost all died.”

She knows that. "Still." _I shouldn't have been here with you._

“… I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

It takes a moment for Setsuna to process what he meant. She blushes then. Mamoru leans closer to her, his next words barely a whisper. “What would it take ... for you to admit that you don’t want me to go, because ... _you_ don’t?”

Setsuna’s eyes widen. _No._ She turns to meet him in the eye. Mamoru is biting his lower lip again, his skin now as flushed as her own. She sees the way he eyes her, _really_ eyes her, and realizes that she isn’t imagining things.

 _He knows_.

Setsuna wishes he wouldn’t speak anymore, but he does. Even with his eyes cast down now, words tumble out from his lips with unprecedented forwardness. "Isn't your dream proof that you can imagine a different future?”

Setsuna runs to leave the room. 

"Wait—”

She doesn't, but Mamoru is faster. He slams the door shut. Setsuna holds on, at first, but eventually lets go of the door handle in defeat. She still doesn’t turn around to face him. Setsuna has never felt so embarrassed in her life.

“Mamoru Chiba ... you are cruel, after all."

"I’m sorry,” he apologizes, even though his hand is still firmly planted on the door. Now that he’s started, he can’t stop. He can’t let her walk away like this, without knowing why he is bringing it up. “I know I shouldn't even have this knowledge about you, but I do, and … I just want us to be honest with each other, for once. Just this once, please, Setsuna.”

To her horror, she hears him say her name without the honorific, and she wants the earth to swallow her up. They've already gone too far. Way too far. “Let me go, please,” she begs. She is on the verge of tearing up. She can’t. _Not in front of him._

“Setsuna.”

Her heart breaks. It was safe to admire the king, who was married and long betrothed to the queen, with a beautiful child no less. This here is decidedly unsafe. Setsuna cannot do this. Her hands fist up against the door panel. 

“Let. Me. Go.”

Mamoru hesitates.

Reflexively, he wants to move away. To respect her wishes. But he doesn’t want to end things like this. 

Not like this.

But.

He lets go of the door. After all, he has no right to stop her.

To her own surprise, Setsuna doesn’t move. He is doing just as she has asked, and her tears are welling already. She really needs to be alone now.

But.

She is tired of running away.

Tired of hiding. Tired of lying. Tired of pretending.

It's like he can hear her thoughts. “If you’re gonna go, at least consider the possibility that you _don’t_ have to repress yourself.”

Setsuna doesn’t know how to respond to that. Both agreeing and denying to do so would be an admission of her feelings.

"It's normal to be scared of the unknown."

She shakes her head to that.

No, it's not _normal_ for her. She's never _not_ known, until now.

"Setsuna," Mamoru says again, his tone somber. Every time he says her name, it feels like a small part of her is dying, yet also coming alive. A dangerous emotion. Something she dares not even imagine. It disturbs her, too, that he's no longer trying to maintain any emotional distance from her. Mamoru has suddenly accessed a tone that she recognizes well. A tone that the king would use when something weighs heavily on his heart. “I’m scared, too,” he confesses, to her surprise. “I don't think I will ever live up to the idealized version of him you have in your head. ... I suspect ... neither will he.”

She shakes her head in denial now, reaching for the door again. The implications for his concerns frighten her. Mamoru places a hand on hers before she can slide open the door. She snaps her hand away instinctively.

"Please." His voice breaks.

"Don't act like you understand." She barely squeezes out the words.

"I'm trying.”

She turns around to face him then. Her hatred for what he is doing now is evident. And yet, she shudders with the vulnerability that he hasn't been able to forget since that day, the day he was forced into her dream mirror. The vulnerability of having her truth exposed to him. The vulnerability that she is barely able to conceal from him now.

“Don’t try,” she whispers under her breath.

_Don’t try, when you can’t do anything about it._

He hears her, and knows that she is right. He should back off now. He should be the one walking away. Yet, her trembling but stiff tone reminds him that the next time he sees her, she is sure to go back to being stone-faced and cordial, or worse yet, a complete stranger to him. She’ll deny that they’ve ever talked like this. That there was ever any intimacy here between them. Even though she'd know it’s not true. Even though he knows he is asking for more than either of them can bear to give, the thought of her slipping back into calling him ‘Chiba-san’ again wrecks him. 

_I’ll miss you._

Setsuna can see it in his eyes, but she dares not address it. Dares not ask herself if she feels the same. Dares not even wonder if her facial expression has betrayed her when it counts the most. And then she understands. Why he's been staring at her uncomprehensibly for months now. Why he casts his eyes around her sometimes, when he thinks she's not looking. Why his eyes trail down to her lips— _he knows._

He knows how they kiss in her dream. He knows how his name can sound so natural on her lips. There’s really nowhere to hide anymore. It feels like her mind momentarily shut down. The next instant Setsuna registers what is happening, her lips are parting against his. She's dreamt of this moment so many times that she knows how it feels. She's dreamt of this so often when she is fast asleep, when she has the least control over her subconscious. It feels like a dream. It feels like the answer to all her forbidden prayers, ones that she has never even thought out loud to herself. With that thought, the tenderness of the moment dissipates as soon as it materializes. Her lips have barely grazed his, but it is already more than too much. She slaps him, hard, and wants to cry when she sees the look of hurt and embarrassment on his face.

"I despise you, Chiba-san," she hears her own voice say coldly, even as the stinging heat on her palm and her own words betray her feelings.

And she leaves.

This time, he doesn’t stop her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the end of ACT I: REINCARNATION -大地転生- 
> 
> This story is in three acts, the first of which focused on Setsuna and Mamoru. Coming next is ACT II: SHOOTING STAR -流星雫月- which will focus on Usagi more.
> 
> 大地 (daichi): The earth.  
> 転生 (tensei): To be reborn.  
> 流星 (ryusei): Meteor, falling star.  
> 雫月 (shizuki): Dewdrops of the moon.


End file.
